No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
