the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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