I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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