I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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