I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
