Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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