david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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