his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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