I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
