All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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