somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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