btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize