9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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