why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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