I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
