Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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