bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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