Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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