also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
