alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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