Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
