Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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