How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
