Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
