He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
