Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
