I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
