Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
