why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
