Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are two peas in an std pod
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
