One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
