After last night, I could never be a politician.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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