I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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