The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
