dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
