I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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