Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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