There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
