I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize