i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
