New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
