Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
