you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
