Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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