We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
