My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
