just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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