if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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