either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
