maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
