the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
