Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
