You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
