I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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