I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
