i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
