So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
this will be a night to untag.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
