my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
