Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
