take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
