To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
