lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize