think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
