I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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