at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize