When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize