she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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