My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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