i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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